Are You a Civilian Manchurian Candidate? Take Control of Your Mind!

These thoughts have haunted me for too long. Furthermore, I felt worse because I could never find the 'right' time to share them. So although now seems to be imperfect timing, I'll just take the plunge anyway. You see, the pain I feel seems to deepen through daily life and the silence I maintain. This pain is not due merely to my individual experiences of abuse, rape, torture, defamation, forced silence and the like. Rather, although most of you probably feel you can not relate to someone like me, you know, the type many of you call a "weirdo" because of  my anxiety issues like chronic PTSD, OCD and so on, I still see so much of myself in you, ie you the public (who see yourselves as non weirdos).
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Let me explain. Your likely resistance to my last statement is somewhat justified in that, in a way, a non weirdo seems completely fine while weirdos stand out. Even as otherwise strangers, weirdos spot each other amidst a crowd. This is truest for those of us who are finally self-aware (regarding our circumstances). For instance, it took only 1 hour after a first face-to-face meeting with a man and settling into his home for a one week stay as a house guest before we knew it was safe to share our 'secrets' with each other. He is 60-something and says he was one of the earliest subjects of MK Ultra mind control experimentation on children. That conversation in his living room was his tearful exorcism of sorts. He also spoke of working for the CIA and being trained in various mental exercises. During my stay in his semi-isolated home in the mountains (outside the US), he allowed me to really see him. I now feel sufficiently qualified to pronounce him a broken man who dwells in the pits of hell. Mind you however, unlike me, he does not show overt signs of anxiety. His pain is even more of a 'secret' to those who only see an inexplicable social dropout or a non weirdo who frequently drinks, smokes pot, obsesses over sex and swears a lot. Just from my current travels of nearly 3 months, I could speak of 2 other similar cases but I think his will suffice.
Bear with me as I deviate initially towards the differences between the weirdos and those of you who consider yourselves non weirdos. This is necessary as the differences create the context from which the parallel will hopefully become more apparent.

A key difference is that a weirdo's situation occurs in a way that is far more striking. Specifically, the weirdo's circumstances are individual and the consequences manifest so rapidly and poignantly within our individual lifetimes. This is the case to the extent that even a few non weirdos, who are astute or specifically trained, can detect the neuroses and less subtle tics we weirdos try to hide.

Some of the trauma I experienced sent me to very dark places, especially early childhood trauma. That trauma either started or pronounced phenomena I have only recently begun to read about and learn words for. Some examples include altered states of consciousness, seeing (what is apparently either impossible or hard for most other people to see), out of body experiences (OBE) and physical and emotional empathy. While new age and intuitive non weirdos refer to some of these phenomena as "spiritual" and even "psychic", conventional psychology practitioners refer to the same phenomena as "mental illness", "unexplained phenomena" or "a manifestation of your belief system" (a possible euphemism for 'we think you're making that up'). In fact, some non weirdos, especially new agers, are so enchanted by these phenomena, they eagerly seek after what I had previously considered my shameful werido phenomena. BTW, many people have positive experiences of these phenomena without trauma. So, to be clear, I am referring to situations in which these phenomena are trauma-based and unpleasant.
The difference between the general public of non-weirdos and weirdos that highlights our similarity is the fact that your trauma and its effect are far more insidious. For instance, instead of occurring at the individual level (like a personal mental breakdown following the MK Ultra program), your type of trauma and its effects occur across entire groups at once. This collective experience is therefore easily woven into 'normal' life without question. Furthermore, the collective trauma is not as poignant and its effect not as rapid as with individuals. Instead, it is slow, insidious and deep. I liken the case of what I call the collective experience of trauma to that of the proverbial frog that remains calm in water over a gentle heat.

To clarify, had the water been scorching hot from the beginning, that frog would have more readily recognized the harm caused to its body, much like the trauma suffered by the weirdo.

The basis for my sadness is two-fold. If non weirdos are likened to the frog, they are unlikely to save themselves since they will remain unaware of the gradual harm they suffer. Also, I see my experiences playing out in slow motion with you. I confess; sometimes, I would rather selfishly ignore you and your pain, because I think you (the collective you) remained stoic, silent and inactive when I needed your help. However and fortunately or unfortunately, I am still making baby steps to do that at will. Needless to say, I feel duty bound to speak and tell you what I see.

Allow me to digress to better make my point. Last night (19th June), I was approached by one of the main cast members of a popular series named Game of Thorns (along with his teenage son). We were spending time at a beach bar in a tiny and quiet tourist town. Since I have not watched television for several years, I realized his fame only by chance when we eventually broached the topic of his profession in our conversation.

There have been some points in my life when I tasted the sense of self actualization and its consequent sense of personal power, hopefulness and joy. Watch and you will see it in anyone on top of his game! It is a happy state that sharpens your senses, whit and intelligence. That! That is heaven! It enlivens you, even if outwardly expressed with a quiet je ne sais quoi. With envy, I recognized my erstwhile state in him ... and his son. Anyway, I now cringe at my naiveté in doing an unthinkable thing; I asked him about the inner workings of production in his industry, as it relates to the endless inclusion of ritualistic symbolism. As before, he responded quickly ... but way off point. Within seconds, he had deflected the course of the conversation to how powerful and scientifically calculating advertisements were. He spoke of how they hypnotize and profoundly influence people's psyches. (I salute myself for having not forced the issue.)

When I returned to my room at the end of the night, I satisfied my curiosity about the Game of Thorns on Youtube. Sure enough, there he was, the man with whom I had just spent 5 hours. A Youtuber had uploaded a video of the sacrificial ritual of a child (Shireen Baratheon). The parents agreed to it. They justified it in their minds; their child's sacrifice was to save others from starving. People watched. Most spectators were men that looked like robotized soldiers. They simply stared at the proceedings with an empty, stoic look. No one responded to her screams for help. When the mother eventually assumed a caring role, as if suddenly awakened from a spell (of justification), the men subdued her, pushing her to the ground. Perhaps this is not surprising as the Game of Thrones actor had said that the social order placed women at a lower level than men. (It turns out the mother is a queen). However, he also said that Game of Thorns "empowered" women because they found often deceitful ways of getting their way. The only other woman on the scene was cold and without care. Ironically, she officiated the ceremony. Against the backdrop of the child's high pitched screams, the lighting on the spectators changed drastically to highlight the colour of the clothing of only the second woman. She wore a purple robe. Everyone else turned to a pale black and white. I will not pretend to understand the scene fully. However, it resembles the now infamous 'Cremation of Care' ritual. (In this context, 'care' may be understood in terms of what Mark Passio refers to as the 8th or generative hermetic principle after the 7 discussed in the Kybalion. In a nutshell, 'care' deals with the focus, conscious or subconscious of one's mental energies. From my limited understanding of ritual magick, purple combines the energies of the red projective masculinity of the conscious mind and blue receptive maternal femininity of the subconscious mind. I've often heard that we are now in the age of the divine feminine mother. However, this second woman seems to represent the debasement of that. When magick carries distorted intentions, purple apparently has a tyrannical influence. So perhaps the scene symbolizes that this woman's lack of care had triumphed over the whole mind. (Happy for your thoughts).

Within milliseconds, each advancing frame sucked me back through several painful points of my life. At the instant of realization of her betrayal and impending death, I saw her story but was jolted back to the harsh aloneness I knew at 9. I tell you; a father can sacrifice his child and ignore  her calls of distress. Although I now understand his need to safeguard his wealth and social standing and the real challenges he faced, aloneness still haunts me. ... I see the fire being lit at her feet and ... my eyes sting. He could never have truly loved me! Un-loveable am I! He watched his wife starve me, his then 9-year old child, in their upper middle class home. He sat by silently as she repeatedly played mental games that I later learnt are used to break inmates in prisons and concentration camps. He even participated in trying to thwart my progress and break my sense of ambition. ... The girl screamed in pain for being unanswered. ... What was he thinking when she inserted a suppository into my vagina to prematurely force me to bleed shortly after my 10th birthday? ... Where was his mind as the girl screamed through her painful death? ... I was dying inside. He only demanded that I stop that "nonsense" meaning my nervous tics because I was "embarrassing" him ... I know this kind of television is unsafe for me but the changing frames have already sucked me in a stupor. The scenes suck me deeper, whirling me in a giddy stupor and throwing me about into entirely new directions towards a series of painful memories. When I almost drowned at 19 in a whirlpool, he was present but did and said nothing. ... Her screams were shrilling and her father just watched ... and I slip a little further into that dark place. It is oddly comfortable but only because it is a very familiar place. Reaching that point of utter helplessness and knowing I was about to die was so familiar. I knew at once that I had nearly died before but could not remember the finer details - because no one ever mentioned them. ... The girl's mother appeared. ... I would subsequently learn that, when I was a baby, my natural mother had apparently banged me about nearly to the point of death (and he knew). That day, I suddenly realized that there was at least some truth to my father's saying that my natural mother "tried to kill" me. The unexplained kinks in my spine and ongoing effect on my structure finally made sense. His general lack of concern when not under public scrutiny also made sense. It was consistent with the fact that neither he nor his mother appeared to have done anything in my defense. Other people's apathy and unwillingness to help cut like a knife. Them too?! Who do I have then? Un-loveable am I! I doubt anyone ever reached out to my father in a direct way that he would understand.

You might think; But that is just your weirdo stuff. I assure you, it is not. Be patient! I hope you will learn to use my more poignant weirdo circumstances to see how trauma can hurt you. During our time together, the Game of Thrones actor scribbled his video recommendation on a napkin. It featured people's emotional reactions while looking at Game of Thorns. I later found another Youtube video showcasing people's reactions to that same Game of Thorns child sacrifice of Shireen Baratheon. People featured in the video are so emotionally hijacked by the scene that their panic-stricken expressions, screams and tears make me see that even they experienced trauma at some level. BTW, I doubt the featured people are all weirdos. The effect of these videos was cumulative. I found that watching the reactions of these strangers was a stronger tear jerker than the original Game of Thorns scene. In fact, at one point, a dog had become so distressed at his family's emotional reaction (to the film) that (s)he began to comfort the lady. As I write this, I question the sick addiction that allowed me to remain sucked in, to keep watching despite the obvious pain. I know those non-weirdos have that issue too. They kept watching too.

A counsellor's cautionary advice comes to mind. Stimuli (in violent movies and the news) can easily hypnotize and traumatize viewers. The problem with this is that  the constant bombardment of these psychological stimuli continually re-traumatizes people without giving their psyche enough time to heal naturally over time.

Furthermore, the point of all the trauma-based research and experimentation has been mind control of ordinary people. Research has long shown that trauma is a gateway, whether it is like Willie Lynch's method of "making a slave" (ie 1800s social eugenics experimentation in Barbados to create mental slaves of black people), MK Ultra (ie a CIA-sponsored program of traumatization and mental slavery of North Americans), movies, extreme child abuse by family and so on. My ex MK Ultra / CIA host made it clearer to me that CIA hit men and other kinds of operatives are real, and not merely cinematic creations as many people seem to believe.

Another point of my sadness is that even when people recognize the reality of these phenomena in CIA programs, movies and so on, they do not recognize how these things are also part of even their personal daily life. Anyone of us is a potential operative, much like how any regular Joe in the unaware society; policemen, teachers, children on a playground and so on can be taken over by Agent Smith in the Matrix movie. Although they still look like a policemen, your teacher and so on, they can momentarily act on Mr Smith's behalf, as an agent of the matrix. Some people would call this the matrix of the 'Illuminati'. My wish however is that we question our reactions, thoughts and impulses to recognize this in ourselves. I think we will see that the so-called Illuminati does not stop at the hands of big-wig masons but that it lays within us as a potential switch that can be turned on at anytime, if we remain unaware of it. We are all potential super soldiers even without firearms or 'civilian super soldiers' as I call it..

I believe that carefully engineered and institutionalized racism (as seen in Lynch's speech) has been only one of several experiments from which the wise person from any background should learn. Unfortunately however, humans care almost only when they eventually see that their personal lives are adversely affected. For instance, some years ago, Alex Jones cautioned white America to 'wake up and realize that the target is no longer only darker skinned people'. Before that point, not too many people were paying attention.

A wise person would recognize the highly polarizing tactics that strengthens mental (and other forms of) slavery of all of us. If you took advantage of privileges that mainstream grants you because you are in its favour (because of socioeconomics, ethnicity, nationality and so on), you are an unwitting 'house slave' kind of agent for the matrix. That hierarchy of which you are a VIP also fits within another larger one. I have seen too much of this when dealing with masons and one of the world's most powerful multibillion dollar corporations. Since each matrix exists inside a larger matrix, it is only a matter of time before the shit comes right back to you. I promise! I will illustrate that a little later.

You are all being played like pawns against each other. More recently, the media has switched gears. It is not simply encouraging one group to scorn another but for both groups to fight against each other. I highly recommend Frater Xavier's Youtube video. It not only illustrates how neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is used to subliminally influence your mind but, more importantly, how you can prevent this influence and  'take control of your mind'. I welcome your suggestions of other well presented material in the comments section below.

Consider that, unlike my ex MK Ultra / CIA host, I was never formally part of any program (as far as I know). I do not know enough of my stepmother's background except that she once bragged to me about how good she was at psychology and getting people to do what she wanted. She might have simply read about and applied these techniques. Anyone with sufficiently strong intention could do that. On that basis, I ask you, the non-weirdo public to recognize your susceptibility to the powers of trauma and mind control by people far more knowledgeable than my stepmother, mother, father or the wealthy corporation. You do not have to be formally enrolled in an MK Ultra program to be traumatized and fixed with triggers.

In closing, I will voice my final 3 wishes:

1.  I wish that publishers (Youtubers, bloggers and the like) who understand how, will 'fight back with positive NLP' and other similar mental conditioning techniques.

2.  I wish that you, the reader (and I) will curb the usual feelings of resentment towards my natural father (or people like him). That hasty resentment is too polarizing. It will only force us to dwell narrowly on an extreme perspective without seeing the bigger picture. Do not get me wrong. I am not happy with his choices regarding me. He was neglectful and abusive. But I know he sacrificed me to avoid further ill treatment and very real pain. 
 3.  I wish that you, the reader (and I) will curb resentment towards people who seem to have privilege in a matrix. Also, I wish that those people of 'privilege' within a matrix 'fight the temptation to be (Illuminati) agents / civilian super soldiers'. Let's consider my birth and step mothers. Although they were privileged with relatively high socioeconomic status because of their 'more desirable' physical appearances, these things trapped them too. Unfortunately, their trap was not easily recognizable. It made them feel comfortable, like our proverbial frog in the slow heat. They felt a need to maintain their socioeconomic status at any cost. Unfortunately, that cost was high; they spent their entire adult lives prostituting themselves in love-less marriages. They were entrapped to the extent that each woman married and then re-married the same man. For instance, in each case of both these women's multiple marriages, the husband had become very financially successful despite earlier life socioeconomic hardships. No amount of worship by their husbands could quell the scorn these trophy wives felt. These women continued to overtly scorn their husbands' humble beginnings. How many times both taunted my father for having had a mother who was "only a maid". These reminders were retorts in the smallest and completely unrelated disagreements. (They certainly never demanded their husbands stop their subservient facilitation with the proud statements that "she has a very high status"). Consequently, the love and friendship I have seen in marriages between equals was always lacking. Their lives were reduced to keeping up appearances. So in need for continued god-like adoration, it is likely that these women were incapable of marrying men who they truly admired, ie men who they may have considered to be equals. Both used their children as pawns in their game without allowing themselves the gift of love. Similarly, my ex MK Ultra / CIA host may well appear like a demigod in the 'third world country' where he lives. One day, he told me that he 'had to tell one of the gardeners not to think but only follow instructions because the gardener was so dumb that things fell apart whenever he thought, you know, like all the other uneducated people around there.' I imagine the gardeners and other local people would never guess that he lives among them because he is running from abuse from others to whom he also is only a slave. Do you see how he does not belong only in the 'privileged' group but also the group I mentioned in wish number 2? It is unfortunate that when he has the power to change the status quo, he placed himself at the other polar extreme. My dream involves recognizing that matrices can be collapsed with the realization of these wishes.

Take  Control!

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