In popular psychology, 'flying monkeys' play a role within the context of narcissistic abuse. Specifically, they act on behalf of the narcissist, doing the narcissist's bidding and inflicting (additional) abuse to the narcissist's victim. The victim is called a 'scapegoat' in present psychology because of the similarity of his or her role with the historical origin of the word. Specifically, in some cultures, a real goat was used as a sacrifice for purging sins of the members. Everyone's sins were symbolically placed onto the goat's head before it was cast out alone into the wilderness where it would often die (symbolically, with everyone else's sins). The most common form of this 'abuse by proxy' is smear campaigning against the scapegoat and just overall irrational hostility.
Unfortunately, anyone can become a narcissist's flying monkey; a work colleague, an otherwise innocent child, your child, a beloved family member, an acquaintance and even a complete stranger. Regardless of the circumstances, the dynamics are the same. The narcissist creates a psychological mob with the use of his or her flying monkeys. The consequence is that the victim is isolated and otherwise healthy relationships will not be given a chance to flourish. The narcissist may be anyone; a parent, wielding influence among children to isolate the victim child, a boss using some subordinates against the victim employee, the 'ruling class' using ordinary citizens against a particular race of people and so on. Sadly, flying monkeys often include people with whom you even want or already have a relationship. Perhaps you find them attractive in ways that make them otherwise ideal for relationships, be it because of family ties, long term acquaintance, strong commonality in a significant aspect of your lives, marriage and so on. However, by being a flying monkey, that person rejects that possibility, thereby essentially sabotaging their own opportunity to receive your love. In short, there are hardly any winners outside of the manipulative narcissist.
To be clear however, in some cases, flying monkeys do not always unwittingly assume their role because of naivety or weakness that is psychological, social or otherwise. They sometimes take advantage of a perceived opportunity that the narc offers, like belonging to a social group, security in a job or family environment, satisfaction of deep seated jealousy against you, favors and so on. In other words, flying monkeys may be consciously and actively invested in having you scapegoated. In fact, they may even encourage narcissists into the role.
In short, a narcissist embodies the Christian concept of a Satan. The narc leaves pain and suffering in their wake. Essentially, they have a creative God-like ability to bend reality, but in a negative way. Ultimately therefore, the flying monkeys are angels of their 'Satan'-like role.
The Sad Reality About Flying Monkeys (& Narcissists)
Unfortunately, it is very unlikely that you can easily convince them to see the true nature of a negative situation. They are truly under a 'spell' that keeps them within the false reality of the narcissist. In many (not all) cases, they truly believe the narcissist's false depiction of reality. Regardless of whether they truly believe or not, they are faithful for one reason or the next.
To be clear however, in some cases, flying monkeys do not always unwittingly assume their role because of naivety or weakness that is psychological, social or otherwise. They sometimes take advantage of a perceived opportunity that the narc offers, like belonging to a social group, security in a job or family environment, satisfaction of deep seated jealousy against you, favors and so on. In other words, flying monkeys may be consciously and actively invested in having you scapegoated. In fact, they may even encourage narcissists into the role.
In short, a narcissist embodies the Christian concept of a Satan. The narc leaves pain and suffering in their wake. Essentially, they have a creative God-like ability to bend reality, but in a negative way. Ultimately therefore, the flying monkeys are angels of their 'Satan'-like role.
The Sad Reality About Flying Monkeys (& Narcissists)
Unfortunately, it is very unlikely that you can easily convince them to see the true nature of a negative situation. They are truly under a 'spell' that keeps them within the false reality of the narcissist. In many (not all) cases, they truly believe the narcissist's false depiction of reality. Regardless of whether they truly believe or not, they are faithful for one reason or the next.
Narcissists go through stages meant to bring you down called 'devaluation' and 'discard'. During these stages, the narcissist creates a picture in the minds of flying monkeys that you are a bad person and, in some cases when your objection is an apparent threat, even mentally unstable. Narcissists are master manipulators as they often work hard to present themselves as charming and the antithesis of who they truly are. Although difficult to even imagine, know that they find very creative ways of portraying you as their heartless aggressor. It is therefore difficult for your objections to be tolerated or believed. Flying monkeys lack the interest in getting to see and look deeply enough to see you for who you are, even if they have never before interacted with you. They are happy to relate to you in hostility in reaction to the narc's false image. This is especially hurtful on any point of the scale of how acquainted you and the flying monkey are. In other words, flying monkeys can be people that should know better as they had a relationship and positive experiences that may even prove otherwise or they could be people from whose first contact with you is met with outright hostility, even if they are supposed to be objective by virtue of their professional or other position. It is common for them to pick fights, fabricate elaborate ways to 'prove' how they too have been wronged by you in the same way as the narcissist or go on fault finding missions, all to justify their (newfound) disdain for you. It can get really messy because narcissists and their minions can even spread their spell so far and wide that you can be left completely alienated from your entire social support group, workplace or community. Consider how racism works in entire communities and how potentially dangerous it can become because, even law enforcement or other authority figures can also become flying monkeys that will not protect you as they should.
At this point, I can not help but remember Agent Smith and even the attractive 'woman in the red dress' in the film 'The Matrix'. Spiritually speaking, these characters carry and act in the spirit of the narcissist. Consequently, a very bitter red pill is that, even if you ache for good relationships with these people, you must treat them the same way you would the narcissist.
Agent Smith is a fictional character and the primary antagonist in movie The Matrix. He is programmed to keep order according to the system by terminating people who threaten to destabilize the simulated reality. His superhuman attributes allow him to move from body to body (that is plugged into the Matrix), to appear virtually anywhere where his services may be employed. As the trilogy unfolds, he becomes a computer virus, effectively spreading far and wide. He essentially symbolizes a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose.
Unfortunately, to understand the narcissist is to also know his minion, at least in the way that is significant to your interactions. What do you know about the narcissist? ... that his antics can harm you and he or she lacks empathy? As hard as it is to accept the reality of your situation, your erstwhile loving family friend / flying monkey acts on behalf of and has therefore become that narcissist. The thing that makes them attractive to you makes them your 'woman in the red dress', armed and dangerous.
Spiritually, narcissists are lower beings without the capacity to learn and grow. They literally see no other way to survive. Flying monkeys may grow and evolve. However, at their current stage, they are at the same base level of spiritual development as the narcissist and therefore, through the law of attraction, are receptive to the narcissist's spell. They are manipulated and brainwashed and unwilling or unable to act with their own purpose. Even if they are not fully convinced by the spell, they may be too fearful to step out of line because of the power they see that the narcissist wields over others.
They do NOT want to hear what you have to say. When they tell you how 'terrible a person' you are, interrupting you when you try to explain situations, you may become emotional, goodness forbid, irritated or angry. Unfortunately, many will rather only see you as overbearingly emotional and unstable, much like how, macrocosmic flying monkeys in the form of racists (like in the US South) scream to even an overall calm to scapegoat to 'calm down' as they feign fear for their safety around the scapegoat and call the police.
The fundamental meaning of the situation is that the actions of flying monkeys articulate how little they value you and your wellbeing. 'They know not what they do' you say? Perhaps. However, they are nonetheless as dangerous to your well being as any other awake ill-intentioned flying monkey.
Spiritually, narcissists are lower beings without the capacity to learn and grow. They literally see no other way to survive. Flying monkeys may grow and evolve. However, at their current stage, they are at the same base level of spiritual development as the narcissist and therefore, through the law of attraction, are receptive to the narcissist's spell. They are manipulated and brainwashed and unwilling or unable to act with their own purpose. Even if they are not fully convinced by the spell, they may be too fearful to step out of line because of the power they see that the narcissist wields over others.
They do NOT want to hear what you have to say. When they tell you how 'terrible a person' you are, interrupting you when you try to explain situations, you may become emotional, goodness forbid, irritated or angry. Unfortunately, many will rather only see you as overbearingly emotional and unstable, much like how, macrocosmic flying monkeys in the form of racists (like in the US South) scream to even an overall calm to scapegoat to 'calm down' as they feign fear for their safety around the scapegoat and call the police.
The fundamental meaning of the situation is that the actions of flying monkeys articulate how little they value you and your wellbeing. 'They know not what they do' you say? Perhaps. However, they are nonetheless as dangerous to your well being as any other awake ill-intentioned flying monkey.
DEALING WITH FLYING MONKEYS. DOs & DON'Ts.
- Anticipate flying monkeys. Narcs recruit whomever they can. Prepare to deal with wolves in sheep's clothing, even among those for whom you care. Who assumes the role can be surprising, in a good and bad way. If you have trouble with this, consider that, in many cases, even scapegoat victims have been flying monkeys at least once in their lives. Remember how motivated you felt in being a flying monkey.
- Understand the sad but true nature of the world of narcissists and flying monkeys. See the section above regarding this. Coming to terms with this is a very bitter red pill to swallow but a necessary evil that will help you to understand your environment and to better survive within it with greater emotional intelligence than otherwise.
- When flying monkeys start accosting you with the lies of the narcissist, do not try to explain the truth, especially if it does not directly affect your ability to earn a living. Never get emotional and antagonistic if you need to give some explanation. Resisting the temptation is extremely hard. In my experience, even hard evidence will not suffice as they often hide, destroy it or find convenient explanations to justify their position. At the time of the attack at least, the narcissist's spell over flying monkeys is real. So they are incapable of thinking for themselves and will only become further energized. Your explanations and emotional pleas actually reinforce in their minds how 'deluded' and even 'evil' you are. The things you say to explain situations are in such stark contrast with the impression of pure love and light portrayed by and of the narcissist that it is easier for flying monkeys to dismiss you. Imagine the scenario involving young men who pleaded with others in their congregation that Priest X molested him. The congregation only see Priest X giving masses in God's name with loving compassion. In fact, many of these people will bequeath all they have to the church when they die because the church and Priest X are the epitome of 'God' in the physical. So although the evidence in the form of the effects of this young man's trauma should be clear, his anxiety, social awkwardness and stuttering only inspire disdain within the flying monkeys who may think 'what an annoying imbecile that won't just grow up already', he never 'wanted' to accomplish anything in life academically, etc. They often infantilize him, asserting that he should learn to 'take accountability for his own poor life decisions versus victimizing someone as good as Priest X'. The miracle required to bring belief of what the clergy did to young children took centuries. Do not expect to accomplish that alone, especially if you have been singled out with other co-victims. Even if you can not see it, narcs master reputation PR and damage control (in ways that you are unlikely capable of matching). Their PR often takes the form of charitable causes, love and light endeavors, new age friends, influential contacts and the like.
- The previous point also relates to those who are already fully aware of the true nature of the situation. They are the most toxic flying monkeys as they will even sabotage the evidence you provide because they are on the level of the narcissist and are determined to receive their pay off.
- Despite any temptation to do otherwise, always act with integrity. Flying monkeys constantly seek fault, any little thing they can hold against you. If you ever give them reason, no matter how small, you will never hear the end of it and to them, you have validated the lies against you.
- When flying monkeys seek information on behalf of the narcissist. NEVER provide personal information as this encourages narcissists to figure how to craft new and better lies. This is particularly true of sensitive matters regarding mental health. (See the point below regarding offers to 'help with your mental problems'). Resist the urge to discuss even happy situations and positive plans for your success. Remain as superficial and gray rock with them as possible, speaking only about topics that have no relation to well being, like the weather. When they press for more personal information, reply in one of the following ways.
- Flying monkey asks, "How is your relationship with x?" You respond:
- "Wow, you have not called in so long! What prompted the call?"
- "How are you and x getting along?"
- "My relationship with x is between the 2 of us."
- If both you and the flying monkey are aware of their role, reply as follows. Essentially, show your disdain regarding speaking with them, the narcissist's minions.
- "I would rather speak directly with x about that question." / "Just tell the people who are sending you with these questions to ask me directly."
- "It's unfortunate you had to be subjected to a toxic conversation like that."
- "I am sorry you had to see someone's confidence being betrayed." (when a flying monkey wants to tell you how the narc broke your confidence).
- "I believe x is using you to get information. Are you aware of that?"
- "I really prefer for narc X to continue guessing. It is interesting the way (s)he makes things up about the situation."
- Show disdain for the role of the flying monkey.
- "It must be tiring having to do X's bidding and coming to me for information. Does it feel uncomfortable?"
- Whenever possible, do not share that you feel victimized. Your flying monkeys may well be among those who are energized by this and pursue their role with even greater fervor.
- Do not attempt to prove yourself. This signals a sense of vulnerability and inferiority to whomever you wish to impress. It therefore re-establishes the unequal power dynamic and can encourage the flying monkey to reinforce the belief with his words and actions.
- Devalue the importance of and your sense of trust in flying monkeys. This is critical as it helps you to lessen the impact of their abusive words and actions. When you do this, walking through life without emotional injury and self doubt becomes easier. Once you start adopting this perspective, strive to accomplish the life goal of proceeding as though flying monkeys are background noise you do not even hear or as though you wear a bullet proof vest. Remember, especially in cases in which flying monkeys (and the narcissist) created your scapegoat role to hide ugly truths or deeds, it has never been the intention to work with you sincerely to resolve the true issue in the first place. You were always meant to be 'the problem'. The very bitter red pill to swallow is that that will not change. Apparent resolutions are likely to be traps that will eventually reveal themselves.
- Develop the ability to be alone without the love and approval of others, certainly without seeking those things. You will first need to grieve the loss of unconditional love and a healthy relationship with the flying monkey. This is easier said than done because scapegoats have felt lonely for much of their lives and seek to 'create family' in friends and others. The unmet needs for family are very intense. However, it will be necessary to force yourself into this mode for the sake of avoiding toxic relationships that occur as a consequence of being a needy individual (among psychic vampires). After all, grieving lack or loss of love and approval will not cause loss to happen because you are already living without love and approval. You are already living your worst fears. It is easier to get real love and good relationships when you are in less need for it. Find ways of pleasing yourself without the contribution of others. You can strive for self-reliance while still interacting with others. Essentially, be an 'island with many bridges'.
- If possible, change your environment quietly and as soon as possible. If you can, find a new workplace, town and so on.
- Be weary of flying monkeys who offer to 'fix' YOUR problem. Are they offering to pay for your doctor's visit to a psychiatrist to 'help you'? From their perspective, they are 'helping' to address the 'real' issue; your evil. You may really require a doctor's help to overcome trauma from their abuse. However, beware! Helping in the way you truly need is NOT their focus. Accepting to go to the doctor is likely to spread in their rumor mill as your clear admission of your evil or wrong doing. Visits with the doctor may only traumatize you further. By accepting to go to a doctor, would any future disagreement, however minor result in your being told that your thinking is off due to "YOUR mental problems". The danger is real. If you ever admit to any form of mental health issue, even if it is one very related to the trauma you have suffered, they will ignore the trauma and suffering and use your admission to 'prove' your 'erratic' behavior. They may also focus on the fact that you are 'broken' which, to them, often engenders scorn, further abuse and exploitation. This is the ultimate setup to deepen the psychic vampirism. BE VERY CAREFUL!
- Seek out new social circles that include more highly evolved persons. Even in the event of conflict, such people are capable of listening, have the psychological insights that you have, objectivity and reasoning. People more to be in your life are capable of seeing you for who you are and not the projection of the narcissist. For most people, their relationships are largely untested. Consider that yours have been and your true friends and enemies have been revealed. Although the truth leaves you more alone than otherwise, recognize that it forces you to pursue better relationships.
- Despite your loneliness, be very careful if flying monkeys suddenly demonstrate they now accept the truth, seek your forgiveness and a relationship. Fools rush in! Remember, people engage in behaviors with which they resonate. Consider that a non-murderer would feel deeply disinclined to participate with fervor or at all, even if surrounded by killers. Consequently, although flying monkeys accept the truth, they are likely to be the same person unwilling to act in hatred but only narrowly in convenient situations. Also consider this idea within the context of why they came to accept the truth. For instance, were they forced to accept the truth through deep contemplation, a situation that is merely a symptom that made things too blatantly obvious or, worst of all, only because the flying monkey fell prey to the narcissist when you went no-contact? In the latter cases, you can hardly be sure the flying monkey has grown spiritually and is sufficiently strong to avoid being swayed with that innate blind hatefulness when the next narc wind blows. If they see your 'redemption' in only narrow or convenient ways, they may still lack the ability to deeply analyze future events. Without any deep change in them, you may quite likely be better off without them in your life. Be clear, although no one or relationship is perfect, their toxicity and abuse are simply unacceptable. Even if they now suffer the narcissist's abuse, be mindful that their apparent 'empathetic reaching out' is often only damage control (to ease their own difficult situation).
Video: YouTuber Dr Ramani 'What to do when a narcissist turns people against you.'
CONTENT RELATED TO FLYING MONKEYS
- How to escape toxic relationships with narcissists and psychopaths
- Character assassination
- Monitoring spirits
- YouTuber Mastering your Life with Jay's video 'They're blocking you by a monitoring spirit. Watch for these signs! Part 1'
- (Short video by YouTuber Virtuous Val)
- Cognitive dissonance is based on social psychology. It further explains how flying monkeys are able to 'clear' their conscience when they know about abuse but still enable it.
- Psychic vampirism
- Free yourself from mind control
- Recovery from narcissistic abuse is a matter of better knowing how to manage the negativity of narcissistic abuse. It does NOT mean that you will cross a finish line that leaves you completely free from any pain. However, your recovered self will know how to cope, become less affected, continue self-care despite the abuse and so on.
- Social psychology
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