Coercive Control

Coercive control is a type of intentional sadistic abuse to dominate others. It may occur as a clear one off act or an ongoing PATTERN of sadistic acts. Because it applies to different scenarios, it manifests in forms that are specific to the nature of the relationship between the involved parties. For instance, in sexual relationships, it may include sexual forms of coercion where men abuse their male privilege over women. (Similarly, in relationships involving racism, the form may not be sexual but specific to racial features, like the privileged group demanding victims to change their natural appearance to fit in or get jobs.) While physical forms can occur, it is very often non-physical. Ultimately, the end goal of abusers is to entrap victims in a hostage-like way. (FYI, to be held hostage refers to when a victim is held involuntarily by an aggressor so as to control the victim). This hostage-like end goal can be physical or psychological. Like any other type of hostage situation, hijackers take away independence / autonomy, freedom, dignity, personhood or sense of psychological integrity. The term hijacker is often used to describe the aggressor because he or she unscrupulously seizes and redirects these manifestations of the victim's personal freedom away from their natural course to fulfil his or her selfish purposes instead. To this end, whatever form is used, the abuse uses degradation, assault, threats (subtle or otherwise), humiliation and intimidation.

Unfortunately, the abuse is subtle and hidden behind closed doors. Many people on the outside of the situation are unable to identify the abuse. Consequently, this abuse may white ants victims. In other words, it is likened to the action of termites, aka white ants that are known to eat the inside of wooden structures, often without leaving outward evidence, until it is too late when the structure finally crumbles. 

This danger involved in ignoring this form of abuse includes murder. This abuse makes the red flags.

Video by Dr Rhoberta Shaler 'Coercive Control: Sneaky, Subtle & Sadistic Patterns of Domination.'

 

BBC Three video on YouTube 'Is This Coercive Control? Men & Women Discuss'

Example(s):

• taking away or cutting off your phone and changing passwords
• isolating / preventing you from getting support, family, medical, police and otherwise. This is because the hijacker does not want others to know what is really happening. Needless to say, at the same time, they will use smear campaigns against you to convince others that they (the hijacker) are benevolently helping you. They encourage others to force you into dependence on the hijacker.
• not allowing you to go to work or school
• surveillance / stalking, monitoring your movements, getting others to create fake social media profiles to monitor you, searching through your bank statements, etc. Beware, surveillance can sometimes appear like friendly concern. It often looks like questions like where are you now, what are you going to do next, etc. In more taxing cases, the messages can look like this: it should usually take you 15 minutes to buy product x, why are you not back as yet? Shouldn't you be out of the shower by now?
• degradation, especially in an area of the victim's life that gives the victim a sense of self esteem and self respect. The degradation (or insults) therefore take away the victim's self respect. This often includes name calling, telling you that no one else cares or respects you. House wives may be told they are bad at their role (like keeping the house, caring for the children, etc), lovers are told they are inadequate sexually, an independent woman is told she is incompetent at handling her own affairs and need the hijacker's help instead. 
• implementing strict rules over minute aspects of daily activity:
• what you can and can not wear
• food you can eat
• restricting your access to transportation
• forcing pregnancy onto the victim to secure a life long financial or other connection. This causes a relational imprisonment.
• over-riding your decisions over your personal matters 
• In far east countries, African women are often lured to work under harsh conditions in a form of modern day slavery. During the servitude, the women's passports or other means of escaping or contacting loved ones may be confiscated by their employer.

When does it officially cross criminal lines?

That depends on where you are. For instance, in countries like the UK, coercive control can be considered a criminal offence when it disrupts the victim's normal activities. So while a single act of coercive control like preventing someone from going to work (perhaps by sabotaging their work) might not alone be a criminal offence, that act within a cluster of other acts (isolating from support systems, financial control, name calling, etc) that follow the same pattern will translate into a criminal offence. 

Consequently, it is best to continuously report events, even though each event alone is not taken seriously. This is because, together, multiple offences create a pattern.

Victims usually need to prove 

• clear acts or patterns of these controlling acts
• events that created a real sense of fear of harm. Example(s) of events can be 
• breaking dishes. 

The perpetrator

Perpetrators are very controlling, power hungry and feel entitled. This person can not handle disappointment or stress well and easily go into fits of rage. These persons are often malignant narcissists and psychopaths.

CONTENT RELATED TO COERCIVE CONTROL

• Grooming
• Energetic chords in toxic relationships
• Malignant narcissism and psychopathy